Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize