You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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