I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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