shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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