and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We need to rekindle our bromance
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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