Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize