wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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