Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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