there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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