How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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