Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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