This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No subtext here. People are naked.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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