just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize