I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize