come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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