I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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