someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize