I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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