I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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