Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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