Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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