I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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