Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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