That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize