frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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