he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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