He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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