i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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