The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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