I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize