Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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