Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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