I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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