Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize