I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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