Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize