So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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