Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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