dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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