He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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