i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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