you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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