he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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