there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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