Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize