Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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