you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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