i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize