Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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