she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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